Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
