THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
