Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
