He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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