dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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