Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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