WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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