Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
