she kept yelling 'call me bella'
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
