So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
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