I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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