I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need water and some morals
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
