I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
