I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize