it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
