atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
