A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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