I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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