Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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