I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
