I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
