come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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