We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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