I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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