i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
