yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
