Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize