if i can run in heels then i can drive
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
