my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
