I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need water and some morals
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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