I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
