Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize