Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
