I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
