tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize