so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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