we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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