I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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