you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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