I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
