You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
