he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
