I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
