what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
