I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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