oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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