if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize