I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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