Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
