just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
