quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
