Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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