If that was your dad, he is hot
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
