This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
