i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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