Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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