you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
