Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
