Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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