They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
