I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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