just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize