So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
