if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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