Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
