If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
