R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We're too hungover to prance.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
