She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
