So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
