so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
