I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
