So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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