Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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