happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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