do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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