Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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