it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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