I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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