i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
