he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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