Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
